Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
handjob tips. give me some.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
