I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
