If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
