his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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