In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
