i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
