im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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