puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
