We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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