So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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