just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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