you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
