I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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