I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
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I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.