if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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