i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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