So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
