It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
