Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
