so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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