You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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