I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
