there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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