My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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