I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
