I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
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Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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