"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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