Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
