What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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