did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
