Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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