Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
