those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
