Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
