my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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