I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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