New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
