mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
