Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
