I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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