so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
