Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize