Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
