I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
