South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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