Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
