I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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