On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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