I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.