so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️