I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.