but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.