Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"