i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
