Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex