this just has baby written all over it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
