the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
