we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
