Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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