I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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