Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
