you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
