I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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