Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
