Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
