just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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