I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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