I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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