It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
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She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Vodka?
Forever.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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