How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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