She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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