Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
