I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
