Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You can't special order awesome
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
